Having a rough day...

Since the miscarriage I have seemed to be fine, but yesterday I broke down on the phone with my mom crying and it brought up a lot of emotions. I know the m/c was not my fault and nothing I could have done to prevent it. yada yada yada!! But I still feel like I failed. I failed to produce and have a healthy baby. It really just sucks! Then to top it all off my sister in law is pregnant with a healthy baby due just 10 days after I would have been due. Although I know I should be happy for her it is hard when I should be in her shoes right now and I'm not. I'm empty. I just cant imagine how I will feel come October when were at the hospital waiting on her to have her baby knowing that I should be in that same position too. Maybe I will be pregnant again and it wont bother me one bit and maybe I will be so bitter that I wont even want to be up there around a new baby. I guess time will tell. On another note we have been staying busy working on the house. We have started project #2 building a deck. More on that to come in a second :) Sorry for the doom and gloom today just feeling rough. I think its the damn weather!!